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Roberts: Compassion before criticism

Amy Roberts, Park Record columnist

Quite a while ago, I stopped reading the online comments generated by my columns. It was the easiest way for me to preserve my sanity. Ignorance is bliss.

But years ago I did read them. I wanted to hear what others had to say and learn more about the opinions of those who think differently than me. I’ve never been closed off to a dissenting voice or critical feedback. And then, I stopped doing this. Because people didn’t play nice, or even fair. There was no cordial discourse. No well-reasoned "here’s why I disagree with you…" response. Nothing to indicate there was any real consideration given when writing a comment. Just a bunch of anonymous name calling, personal attacks and an occasional Bible verse offered as "proof" I was going to hell. When one nameless cyber pundit wrote, "You look like an orphaned piglet pushed out of a moving truck," I quit reading and quit caring. It was an effortless way to remove myself from the negativity. I subscribed to the idea that what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business.

These past few days I’ve considered how lucky I am to have that option. For the most part, I write once a week, some people don’t like what I say, I could not care any less, and we all move on. My audience is limited; I am not judged by millions of hateful strangers. Others are not so fortunate.

Like the parents of a toddler who was recently snatched by an alligator as he played on a beach in Florida. It was shocking, tragic and heartbreaking. And then, a bunch of keyboard warriors made it even worse. Thousands of internet commentators responded callously and judgmentally, as if in an effort to prove they are better parents because a reptile has never killed their child. Their remarks range from blaming and shaming the parents, suggesting they should be in jail, to insisting, "This could never happen to my kid because I watch him like a hawk. Always."

Which really means, "I do the best I can, but thank god the times I blinked haven’t resulted in international headlines."

I have to wonder, what possesses a stranger to pick up their pitchfork in the aftermath of a tragedy? Why do so many feel it’s appropriate to twist the knife deeper into the heart of a grieving parent? When did we become a bunch of perfect, judgmental, sanctimonious, compassion-less jerks? When something horrific happens, it’s not an opportunity for others to proclaim how they would have done everything differently; how much better, smarter and watchful they are. Though many assume it is.

I went to high school with the child’s father. Technically, I’ve known him for 25 years. Although, to be fair, I haven’t spoken to him in the last 20. I’m not going to suggest this tragedy has impacted me greatly because I have loose ties to the family. But I’m sure it’s why I’ve been paying more attention to it.

And perhaps that’s why the comments are so upsetting. But it also goes beyond the flimsy connection of appearing in the same yearbook. The fact that we share a planet should be enough for each of us to pause before firing off ignorant criticism. Instead of being so quick to point out what someone has done wrong, wouldn’t it benefit us to consider responding first with compassion? How does thumping your chest and insisting someone is at fault for the tragedy that befell them help anything? Especially the grieving, who will already spend the rest of their lives second-guessing themselves.

Those parents did not make a preventable mistake. They weren’t careless or deserving of what happened. They took their child on vacation. They played on a beach. Waded in the water. A sign that says "No Swimming" does not mean "No Toes in the Water" or "Beware of Toddler-Snatching Alligators."

At the end of the day, the world can be cruel and harsh. There’s no need for words to make it even more so.

Amy Roberts is a freelance writer, longtime Park City resident, and the proud owner of two rescued Dalmatians, Stanley and Willis. Follow her on Twitter @amycroberts.

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