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Red Card Roberts

If you’ve read my column at least once prior to this one, you’re probably aware that I’m a Democrat. I’ve been known to take cheap shots at the state’s "churchislature." I once called Tea Party members "the insane version of the Taliban." And then there’s the time I was writing an article about a basketball team short on cash and said something like: "Of course it hurts. You’re getting screwed by an elephant."

Over the years, a few people have asked me why I toss politics into a sports column. There are two basic reasons for this. First, the narcissist in me believes everyone is entitled to my opinion. And second, politics and sports actually have quite a bit in common.

Think about it. In both, there is always a winner and a loser at the end of the competition. The losing team walks away unhappy, vowing to be back and succeed next time. There’s all sorts of trash talking before, during, and even after the big event from both sides. Both teams can rally their fan base into a crazed frenzy with little more than a plea in front of a camera. And then there’s this: All too often, the winning team didn’t play the best. They just played the dirtiest.

So, you see, it’s completely logical to intertwine sports and politics.

And, I’m proud to say, I’m cheering for the good guys.

I’m in the stands, rooting for the team that believes women are not a special-interest group, and we’re entirely capable of making our own decisions about our health care. I’m on the team that believes I shouldn’t have to work my ass off so the richest among us can keep more of their money. The team that believes climate change is real, is manmade, and it is not a well-timed punch line to be delivered at your pep rally. I cheer for the guys who understand that love is love, and if it happens to be with someone with the same genitalia as you, so what? I applaud the guys who want to protect and provide for the weakest among us. And I’m a big fan of not legislating your morality it’s our country, not your church.

For those reasons, and many, many more, I’m proud to wear the Team Obama jersey this election season.

In fact, I could cheer for this team on one issue alone: women’s rights.

Much has been said lately about Republican senate candidate Todd Akin’s comment that in cases of "legitimate rape" women don’t get pregnant. Because apparently rape victims have highly advanced, magical sperm-killing vaginas. Oh, and this guy sits on the House Science Committee too. How reassuring.

He and vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan have introduced extreme faith-based legislation that would outlaw abortion in all cases, even in cases of rape, incest and when the mother’s life is in jeopardy. Because you know, nothing says you’re pro-life quite like killing mom to save a fetus.

Both Ryan and Akin have both gone on record numerous times saying they believe life begins at conception. The very moment a sperm smashes into an egg. Really? What’s next, GOP? Life begins at erection? Life begins when you’ve completed your Match.com profile? Look, believe what you want, but don’t legislate it for everyone else. Keep your rosaries out of my ovaries.

I’m not pro-abortion. I don’t think anyone is. But I am pro "let me decide what’s best for my life and my body and keep your Bible out of my uterus." Everyone woman should be. And every man who has a daughter, a wife, a sister or a mother should be too.

The platform the GOP introduced at last week’s convention for new constitutional amendments is the most conservative, and frankly frightening, since the Spanish Inquisition. And the consequences of these being implemented have about the same result.

This is one reason I have become murderously angry with cynical spectators who falsely blame both parties for what ails our political system.

You may not agree with everything the Democratic Party believes (I don’t know a liberal who does). But we do believe in playing on Team America. On our uniforms, you won’t find a donkey. You’ll find an = sign.

If you have a story idea for Red Card Roberts, please e-mail her at sabordog@aol.com.

Amy Roberts is a freelance writer, public-relations guru and globe-trotting thrill seeker. In a former life she worked in TV news, both as a reporter and sports anchor. She has bagged peaks on six continents, kayaked the Zambezi and Nile rivers, swam with great white sharks in South Africa and tracked mountain gorillas in Rwanda. She was once very nearly sold for 2,000 camels while traveling through Morocco.


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