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Amy Roberts: It could always be worse

Amy Roberts, Park Record columnist

If this week has taught me anything, it’s this: You can spend a lot of time hoping for things to get better, only to quickly realize they could be a lot worse.

That’s the scenario Utah Democrats were suddenly faced with when Jonathan Johnson, the former president and CEO of Overstock.com, announced he plans to challenge current Governor Gary Herbert in 2016.

While I’m not a fan of our current governor, and even less of one now that he’s removed access to healthcare from thousands of low income Utahns by ordering state agencies to stop disbursing federal funds to Planned Parenthood, Herbert seems downright liberal compared to Johnson.

In his announcement on Saturday at the state’s GOP convention, Johnson criticized Herbert for not cutting off funds to Planned Parenthood in Utah until the day before the GOP convention. It’s one of his big talking points. Which begs the question, why is denying women cancer screenings, sex education and access to birth control a badge of honor for conservative men? I find it disgraceful these two are playing politics with women’s lives.

Johnson was able to make his candidacy official at the GOP convention by paying $25,000 in exchange for eight minutes of podium time. That’s about the annual income for the average patient who uses the services Planned Parenthood provides. I wonder what he would have gotten for a $50,000 donation? Ten minutes of speaking time and a chance to play Twister with Sarah Palin?

Since launching his candidacy, Johnson has challenged Governor Herbert to debate him. I can hardly wait to see how that plays out. I imagine something like:

Herbert: "I will eliminate all environmental regulations."

Johnson: "I’ll pour toxic chemicals into Utah’s waterways myself!"

Herbert: "I will ensure every Utahn has a gun and can carry it anywhere. No questions asked."

Johnson: "I will give guns to fetuses!"

Herbert: "I will get rid of Common Core testing in schools."

Johnson: "I will get rid of schools!"

Herbert: "I’ll make it harder to buy alcohol in this state."

Johnson: "I’ll outlaw alcohol in this state!"

Trying to out-conservative one of the most conservative governors in the country would be laughable if it wasn’t so frightening.

What’s it going to say on the ballot?

Please vote for one of the following:

A guy who wants to sell our public lands to the highest bidder, refuses to fund education and clean air initiatives, isn’t a fan of equality or affordable health care for all, or

The guy that’s even worse.

At this point, the bar for reason has been set so low you need a shovel and a metal detector to find it.

Johnson has also criticized Governor Herbert for being too soft with the federal government and promises, if elected, he’ll sue to gain control of the state’s public lands, saying: "I’d take some action. That could include filing a lawsuit demanding Congress turn federal land over to the state. Sometimes in order to negotiate you need to show a willingness to litigate."

Which, of course, really means, "I’m willing to spend taxpayers’ money on a federal lawsuit we can’t and won’t win, just because it seems like the trendy, Tea Party thing to do."

And the big question I have is this: What if he did win? What if Utah’s national and state parks and BLM land and open spaces were all turned over to the state? What’s he going do when some of that private, Utah-owned land catches on fire and destroys homes, property and lives? How will this state pay for a massive wildfire or other disaster?

Let me guess: Overstock.com will give a free gift with every purchase. Customers will be able to choose between a fire extinguisher and a bucket of water. But they’ll have to pay $14.99 for shipping.

Amy Roberts is a longtime Park City resident, freelance writer and the proud owner of two ill-behaved rescue dogs, Boston and Stanley.

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